Sometimes, I swear, arguing on social media is like trying to teach a fish how to ride a bicycle. It’s frustrating, exhausting, and ultimately pointless. But every once in a while, you see something so ridiculous that you just have to speak up.

This time, it was an “educator” (and I’m using that term very loosely) who insisted that “non-consensual BDSM” is a real thing.

Yes. You read that right.

Wait… What?!

For those of you who might not be deep into the world of kink education, let me explain something very, very clearly:

There is no such thing as non-consensual BDSM.

If it’s non-consensual, it’s abuse. It’s assault. It’s not BDSM.

BDSM, by definition, is based on consent. That’s the whole point. If there’s no consent, it stops being BDSM and becomes straight-up harm. Period. End of story.

But apparently, this so-called educator (let’s call him Mr. Wrong) disagreed.

The Infuriating Argument

So there I was, sipping my coffee, scrolling through social media, when I saw Mr. Wrong using the term “non-consensual BDSM” in a post. Naturally, my brain short-circuited for a second. Surely, he didn’t mean what I thought he meant. So, being the responsible educator I am, I pointed out that the phrase was completely incorrect and harmful.

His response?

“Well, other people use the term, so it’s okay for educators to use it too.”

Oh. Oh no. That’s not how this works.

By that logic, if enough people start calling a duck a dog, I guess I should just go along with it, right?

Why This is a Huge Problem

Educators have a responsibility to be accurate and ethical in the way we talk about kink. Words matter. When people see an educator using a term like “non-consensual BDSM,” they assume it’s valid. They assume it’s part of the lifestyle. And that is incredibly dangerous.

Here’s why:

1. It Normalizes Assault – Calling something “BDSM” when there’s no consent implies that assault is just another part of kink. It’s not. Never has been. Never will be.
2. It Confuses Newcomers – People who are new to BDSM rely on educators to guide them. If they hear “non-consensual BDSM,” they might think it’s a real thing, and worse, something they have to accept in the community.
3. It Gives Predators Cover – There are already plenty of predators who try to twist BDSM to justify abuse. The last thing we need is so-called educators giving them a fancy term to hide behind.

Correcting Misconceptions is an Educator’s Job

Now, I get it. Language evolves. Terminology changes. But when we see a harmful phrase being used, our job as educators is to call it out and correct it.

Just because some random people on the internet use a term doesn’t mean we should keep using it. Our responsibility is to educate, not to follow bad trends. If we see someone saying “non-consensual BDSM,” we should be correcting them, not reinforcing the mistake.

Because let’s be real—if someone called a pineapple a banana, you wouldn’t just shrug and say, “Well, people say it, so it must be fine.” You’d correct them, because that is not how bananas work.

My Takeaway From This Whole Mess

Honestly? The conversation left me frustrated, annoyed, and questioning how some people manage to tie their own shoes in the morning.

BDSM is built on consent, communication, and mutual agreement. If something isn’t consensual, it’s not BDSM—it’s abuse.

And if you’re an educator and you don’t understand that? Maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t be an educator.

End rant.